I decided to start decluttering on Saturday with my bathroom. That continued on into the hall closet. I didn’t expect the hall closet to take that much time. Except for the CDs. I’m one of those people who has held onto their CDs “just in case.” I’m part of the generation that grew up without the internet until my twenties. Some habits are hard to let go.

First thought: It’s amazing how much crap you stash away when you’re “just cleaning.” I remember doing a deep clean on the bathroom a few months ago, but I still found many tubes of expired makeup, hand cream, and sunscreen.

Second thought: CDs. Oh lord. Those included unexpected emotional bombs. Like hypnotherapy for weight loss and self-esteem. I kept about 160 CDs. This included my maybe pile. Donated 180+ CDs. I culled it by asking myself, “Would I miss this CD if the end of the world came and I only had a CD player to listen to music on?” If the answer was “No.” into the donate pile it went. I guess this apocalyptic question-and-answer was my version of whether or not something “sparks joy.” Now, three huge boxes have been condensed into a single wallet storage organizer I can get to easily.

Third thought: Me and the Husband are learning all about different recycling systems and services. Jewel cases are simple plastic recycle as long as they are empty. Also, locally, there is a company that does fabric recycling for fabric things that cannot be donated.

Fourth thought: Some areas are harder to declutter than others. I realized that I didn’t want to actually declutter my office. I kept thinking about leaving it until last, even though I said that I was going to finish the upstairs before I tackled the downstairs because so much of that needed the Husband’s input. (Husband unexpectedly home to help doesn’t count.) Thus, I decided I would take my time with the office. Partly why I started the declutter over the weekend, I guess.

Fifth thought: The large bookcase in my office was painful. Physically and mentally. I lost another gel nail. The same finger (left pointer) as last time, but this time, a full week early. Too busy to go get it fixed. Mentally…so many bad writing mistakes hiding in the back and bottom of the bookcase: Scams I was taken in by. Bad contracts. Really terrible manuscripts that I never want to see the light of day. I feel like I need a drink…and a hug. Not necessarily in that order.

Final thought: It is still a pleasure to shred. More tax / house documents 10+ years old. I hoarded that stuff like I was sure I would be audited. Though, my shredder is starting to make distressed noises. I need to be careful with it. It’s 15+ years old after all.

Next week, I start downstairs officially. The Kitchen. I don’t know how bad it will be. We did one round of decluttering about six months back. Part of me wants to redo the entire upstairs because I feel like I’ve missed stuff, but I think distance and time is the better bet. To hone my decision making skills and make sure my ruthlessness is used on the right thing. Do the downstairs. Then come back upstairs and start again.

As it turned out to be a vacation day for the Husband, he agreed to help me tackle an area that would need a lot of his help/opinions. So, instead of me tackling an upstairs room, we tackled the Library/Reading nook/China hutch. This area was easier than I thought it would be. It helped to have the Husband right there to agree/disagree with me and sort through his books.

First thought: The Library purge wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. As it turns out, I still have my favorites, my duplicates (“but that’s the first version of that book I bought” or “my mom gave that one to me”), and my to-be-read books. I donated all of the books I haven’t read that no longer sounded interesting, the books I wouldn’t read again, and books I liked enough to keep but not in duplicate form.

Second thought: The china hutch isn’t one anymore. Ninety percent of what we used to store in there is gone. There was an amazing set of random glassware we never used along with the specialty serving ware we got as wedding presents. We used it for the first five years of our marriage on special occasions because it was beautiful. However, it was not dishwasher safe. In fact, the dishwasher destroyed a couple pieces. After a while, we stopped using it—even for special occasions. Mostly because it was all handwash. Who has time for that?

Instead, the bottom part is for all of the serving ware we do use (also wedding presents) that are dishwasher safe—pretty, white, simple boats, plates, and bowls. The top part is now home to my antique occult literature book collection. It’s so much easier for me to get to it now. I do have to fiddle with the sorting of the books, but they all fit.

Third thought: There is an amazing amount of crap that can be stuffed behind a couch. Everything from empty packing tubs to rolls of crushed wrapping paper to many lost cat toys to mailing boxes. It was good to purge all that stuff and now know there is nothing behind the couch that shouldn’t be.

Fourth thought: The “warranties and manuals” side table was in definite need of help. We had stuff in there from appliances we no longer own and services we no longer have. It was paperwork that needed going through. As I said last time…it is a pleasure to shred.

Fifth thought: Random keys no longer bother me. If we haven’t used or needed a key in the 5-10 years they have been in the side table, we don’t need them at all. If we do, I know people with lockpicks. Failing that, I know how to use a screwdriver and a hammer. Bonus: we found an extra key to our mailbox.

Final thought: I am still weak (and that's okay). There are some things I could not part with. A couple of duplicate books because each one had its own story. Also, there was a beautiful, black, empty notebook I kept because it just felt so good in my hands. It might become a new journal. It might become a story I tell myself. I don’t know. I just know I wasn’t willing to let it go.

It was good to have the Husband helping me today. We got everything done that we wanted to get done and that makes us both happy. Next week, back to working on the upstairs… the hall closet and my bathroom. 

This Declutter Monday was dedicated to the Cat Room AKA the Bonus / Exercise / AIP Book storage Room. This “catch all” room has been the eyesore of the house since I moved in. It got all the extra stuff—LARP, travel, storage, whatever. It is also where we lock the cats up when they need to be locked up. Thus “the Cat Room.” (Notice how hard I'm working to not say "junk room"?)

This room was hard to start. Most of the stuff outside the closet needed organization rather than strictly decluttering. Especially the Apocalypse Ink Productions shelves used for the AIP office, travel, storage, and records. We moved the sturdy cabinet from downstairs to upstairs and shifted all the AIP stuff onto it.

Also, full disclosure, the declutter of the Cat Room started on Sunday with the Husband helping because some of the stuff outside the closet was all him or needed his opinion/muscles. This help included a much-needed dump run.

Still, decluttering, cleaning, and organizing the Cat room was rough. It even took a sacrifice in the form of ripping one of my gel nails off. I didn’t feel it. I found it on the floor. Good thing I had a nail appointment scheduled for Monday.

First thought: It is a pleasure to shred…. I overheated my shredder on twelve-year-old house / tax documents. I’ve never done that before. I couldn’t just toss/recycle most of the documents due to the sensitive nature of them. Also, I don’t mind using the shredder. Though, it may have a few choice words for me after today.

Second thought: I ran into more—surprise!—pictures and a sentimental collage book from college (I think). I’m shocked at how many pictures I have stashed all over the house. I know I didn’t put together the scrapbook. I don’t know for sure who did. I think it might have been my mom. It, along with the photos, are now in my sentimental drawer. I hope by the time I get to it, I’ll have a decent handle on how to declutter sentimental things. To be fair, I’ll probably put a lot of it in a “treasure box” and limit the sentimental stuff that way.

Third thought: This was a hard room to declutter/organize. There was too much stuff that needed the husband’s opinion/help. I felt guilty needing it. He didn’t sign up for that part. He signed up for moving the trash bags to the trash, taking the donate piles to the charity shops, and when (IF) I get the eBay store up and running, he’ll help me mail everything. I appreciated all the help he gave me and he did understand why I needed it. Sometimes decluttering means you’re going to need help.

Fourth thought: If you didn’t know me or the Husband and you decluttered the Cat Room, you might come away with a very odd impression of us. A lot of old LARPing and Dance costumes, accessories, and tools got downsized. A bunch of it was odd. Even to me. The weirdest thing I found: a bag filled with a wig head, wigs, a wig brush, and wig de-tangler. All of it unopened. That was next to two empty rifle cases and a couple of walkie-talkies. Hmmm, I say. Hmmm.

Final thought: Even though this was harder than I thought it would be and it was a LONG day—we finished at 7:20pm—it was so worth it. We can open the closet to get to our suitcases without something falling on us. The AIP shelves are clean and organized. We even labeled some of the boxes to help keep it that way. There’s a floor in the room! The cats have sprawled all over it. There’s enough room that I can do my stretches in there instead of the hallway. For the first time in over a decade, the Cat Room is actually clean.

Next week… the upstairs hall closet and my bathroom.

The first “Declutter Monday” of the new year is complete. I tackled the parts of my bedroom I hadn’t actually gotten to in the last quarter of 2018. This meant today I tackled my closet, my bedside drawers, and my dresser.
•    In the closet, I tackled all my drawers and the shelves at the top.
•    For the bedside drawers, this included the top and all the drawers.
•    For the dresser, this meant “only” the two slender “stuff” drawers, the top of the dresser, and all my jewelry. (I tackled the main dresser drawers in 2018.)
In essence… a lot.

First thought: I owe Marie Kondo an apology. The thought that I need to thank things as I decluttered them was weird to me. I understood the animistic approach, but I thought it was a bit much. I was wrong. I was so wrong. I ran into not one, but two, boxes of stuff from my past. In my early twenties and thirties, I was a dreamy, fantasy Jenn. I don’t know how to explain what I did, other than to say that I collected a lot of stones, rocks, runes, and other fantasy accoutrement.

I was thrown back into a time of “just dreaming” before I worked to realize my dreams. It was a lonely time where I took much pleasure in my fantasy lives—mental, spiritual, and gaming/LARPing. It hurt my heart to get rid of these things. And, in truth, I kept a scant few items I just wasn’t willing to part with. The rest I thanked and said good-bye to. I felt better saying, “Thank you for giving past me so much joy. I will miss you. Good-bye.” as I put each thing in a donate or trash pile.

I always joke I’m an intellectual magpie. I used to be a physical one, too, collecting every shiny bit and bob I could find. Most of what I had packed away was trash.

Second thought: It is perfectly fine to “nope out” of decluttering sentimental items. The bottom bedside drawer is now designated “sentimental.” When I ran into the piles of letters I’d kept from when I went to boot camp, I knew I wasn’t ready to tackle them. After considering reading and shredding them, then maybe selling them (there is a surprisingly robust market for personal letters and journals on eBay), I decided I just couldn’t do it. Same with the surprise! more pictures to sort—from my wedding no less. I labeled it sentimental for tackling in round 2 (or 3) of decluttering.

Third thought: There is real satisfaction to be found in decluttering and getting rid of old things. Of looking at something and knowing it needs to go elsewhere. I’ve got three bags of trash and one full basket to donate waiting to go out.

Fourth thought: The method of sort-purge-organize is best. After sorting and purging, you can see what you need to organize and what organizational things you need/want. Right now, I know I want a dresser tray to hold my hair pins, mirror, and perfumes. These are things I want out because I use them a lot.

Final thought: I’ve already decided/realized that I’m going to need to do at least one more full round of decluttering in every place I declutter. Round One is to hit the low hanging fruit and do as much of the clean up as possible. Round Two will refine this and tackle the sentimental things and to re-examine all the things I put in the “maybe” pile because I wasn’t willing to part with them yet.

Here’s to a good start to 2019, The Year of Decluttering.

Now that you’ve seen what I did in 2018, here’s the basic plan for 2019.

Writing/Editing:
•    Finish processing publisher edits on BattleTech Rogue Academy 1: Iron Dawn.
•    Write two BattleTech Rogue Academy novels – Complete Rogue Academy 2: Ghost Hour (writing and publisher edits), complete Rogue Academy 3: Crimson Night first draft.
•    Edit Shadowrun long fiction – First, edit the novella, A Kiss to Die For. Next, in-between Rogue Academy novels, process publisher edits for my long-ago written Shadowrun novel, Makeda Red.
•    Release a limited run Shadowrun Flash Fiction Podcast called Shadow Bytes. This includes three excerpts from DocWagon 19 and five loosely linked original pieces of fiction.
•    Edit/manage a brand new, soon-to-be announce project. It is super exciting and I can’t wait to tell you all about it.

Expand My Creative Horizons:
As it’s turned out, I’ve received the opportunity to try some new things in 2019. Each is new to me and something I’ve wanted to for a while.
•    I’ve joined a Twitch RPG game. It will be set in the Emberwind universe. I believe we’ll be playing once a month.
•    I’ve joined the cast of the Dire Multiverse podcast as voice talent. I’m voicing two characters so far and I’m already having a lot of fun with this ensemble podcast.
•    I’ve joined Curious Fictions. It’s a little like Patreon, but is focused on writers. I’ll be posting weekly. Two weeks will be open to the public, two weeks will be for my subscribers only. I’m not completely sure how this will go, but if you become a subscriber, know that I appreciate you immensely.

Travel:
I have five conventions scheduled for 2019. There will, most likely, be a couple of one-day driving events that I do with Raven Oak or with Books & Chains. I’m really making the effort to do less travel because I have a heavier writing schedule this year. Also, me and the Husband plan to spend a couple of weeks in New Zealand in 2020.
•    Mar - Rainforest, WA (Teaching a workshop)
•    Apr - Norwescon, WA (Dealers table)
•    May - StokerCon, MI (Teaching a workshop)
•    May - MisCon, MT (TBA – I haven’t heard if I’m in the dealers room or on panels yet.)
•    Aug - Gen Con, IN (TBA – Author’s Avenue most likely)

Personal Growth:
I’m 48 now. Something clicked in 2018 that proved I really need to take control of my space, my work-life balance, and my health—both physical and mental. I worked 316 days last year. That is too many. I should be closer to 260 days. Also, there’s not that much in my life I have complete control over. Based on the business I’m in and the world at large, I need to take control over what I can control.
•    Physical health – I’m eating better and I’m exercising more. This isn’t a resolution. I started this back in August 2018. I’m going to continue doing what I’ve been doing.
•    Declutter – I have now lived in one place, one home, for longer than I ever have in my life. 10+ years. For someone used to moving every 2-5 years, I’ve gotten good at decluttering and downsizing my stuff. That hasn’t happened in 10 years. Needless to say, the house is a mess. A cluttered mess. Because I have a hard time being motivated to work on Mondays and because I can’t seem to actually take a weekend day off, I’m scheduling Mondays to declutter, downsize, and clean. I can write/edit on Monday if I want, but Mondays are guilt-free no publishing work days for 2019.
•    Crafting – Finish craft projects. Compared to most, I am not a crafter. I’m a dabbler. I’m okay with this. I have one baby blanket and a couple of nebulous projects in the works. I want to get those done and evaluate if I get any joy out of crafting or if they are just added stress.

That’s it for me. What’s on your plate in 2019?

End of the Year. Time to take stock. According to my 2018 Freelancer Summary sheet, I worked 316 days. I may not have done a lot each one of those days, but I wrote down “Nada” only 40 times in 2018. There were a lot of those days where I wrote on two different projects, edited, and had a phone call. Almost all of those work days included some form of email. Blah. Blah. Blah. Yes, freelancers work a LOT.

So, what did I accomplish in 2018? These are just facts and figures.

Published: (Incidentally, these are all eligible for 2019 awards)
A novella, an ABC book, and four short stories. Not a bad set for the finally reaching the published stage.
•    Arkham Horror: To Fight the Black Wind (novella)
•    A is for Apex (ABC book)
•    “An Open Letter to the Family” - Disabled People Destroy SF issue, Uncanny Magazine
•    “The Silence of Coventry Shrine” - Masters of Orion: To the Stars anthology
•    “Home and Hope Both Sound a Little Bit Like ‘Hunger’” - co-written with Seanan McGuire, Chiral Mad 4 anthology
•    “Feathers In Deed” - Choices: All-New Tales of Valdemar anthology

Wrote:
About 160,000 words of new fiction and not counting any articles, blogs, or other miscellaneous writing. It’s not as much as I wanted, but acceptable in the long run. I had a couple of bad writing months with house renovations.
•    14 new short stories
•    2 novellas
•    1 novel

Short story submission scorecard:
I wish my acceptance percentage was higher, but when you’re submitting to some of the hardest markets to get into, a lower acceptance rate is expected.
•    5 acceptances (35%)
•    9 rejections (65%)
•    3 outstanding pieces

Conventions/events attended: 12
This made it for 48 days of business travel. I really am going to cut this down in 2019. I have to. I have a heavier writing schedule in 2019. Though, I will never regret going to Launch Pad. That was an amazing week. Still highly recommended.

And, of course, there’s the Jennifer Award for 2018. Too many good things to read and not enough time. My to-read bookshelf grows larger with every passing week.

From now until I decide I want to stop doing this, I will be giving out a monthly “Jennifer Award” for the best new-to-me thing I read that month. This can be fiction or non-fiction. It can be an essay/article, a short story, a novelette, a novella, or a novel. It doesn’t matter when it came out. It only matters that this is the first time I read it and I thought it was the best thing I read all month. Yes, it is completely subjective and biased towards what I like to read.

The winner will receive a shiny digital badge of honor and a $5 gift card.

The December winner of the Jennifer Award is “On the Day You Spend Forever with Your Dog” by Adam R. Shannon.  It’s available right now on Apex Magazine. This one is a beautiful tear-jerker of a time travel story about one person’s love for their pet. Have a tissue ready. It’s gonna stick with you for a time. Both for the SF aspect dealing with time travel and the story itself.

2018
Jan: Godfall and Other Stories by Sandra M. Odell
Feb: “When We Fall” by Kameron Hurley
Mar: The Alastair Stone Chronicles by R.L. King
Apr: Deep Roots by Ruthanna Emrys
May: “The Soul of Horses” by Beth Cato
Jun: “Daddy’s Girl” by Jennifer R. Donohue
Jul: “By Claw, By Hand, By Silent Speech” by Elsa Sjunneson-Henry & A. Merc Rustad
Aug: Night and Silence by Seanan McGuire
Sep: Immortal House by Elizabeth Guizzetti
Oct: Planetside by Michael Mammay
Nov: “The Shaman’s Tale” by Ari Marmell
Dec: “On the Day You Spend Forever with Your Dog” by Adam R. Shannon

From now until I decide I want to stop doing this, I will be giving out a monthly “Jennifer Award” for the best new-to-me thing I read that month. This can be fiction or non-fiction. It can be an essay/article, a short story, a novelette, a novella, or a novel. It doesn’t matter when it came out. It only matters that this is the first time I read it and I thought it was the best thing I read all month. Yes, it is completely subjective and biased towards what I like to read.

The winner will receive a shiny digital badge of honor and a $5 gift card.

The November winner of the Jennifer Award is “The Shaman’s Tale” by Ari Marmell. It’s a free story that Ari posted just because. I read it because I know Ari and I like his writing. I didn’t expect the story I got and I am a serious sucker for origin myth stories. I didn’t catch on to where it was going until almost the very end. I love that. It’s free on Google Docs and worth the read. Ari also writes the Mick Oberon novels that I enjoy.

2018
Jan: Godfall and Other Stories by Sandra M. Odell
Feb: “When We Fall” by Kameron Hurley
Mar: The Alastair Stone Chronicles by R.L. King
Apr: Deep Roots by Ruthanna Emrys
May: “The Soul of Horses” by Beth Cato
Jun: “Daddy’s Girl” by Jennifer R. Donohue
Jul: “By Claw, By Hand, By Silent Speech” by Elsa Sjunneson-Henry & A. Merc Rustad
Aug: Night and Silence by Seanan McGuire
Sep: Immortal House by Elizabeth Guizzetti
Oct: Planetside by Michael Mammay
Nov: “The Shaman’s Tale” by Ari Marmell

This is a rant. This is about the hellish transitional period a woman goes through between being fertile and menopause. It’s called perimenopause and I didn’t hear of it until I turned 47. It’s like a particularly evil right-of-passage that women go through to say, “Have a baby, now or never! In the meantime, your body is going to be one whacked-out mess of hormones where NOTHING will act as it once did.”

I’ve been dealing with perimenopause for almost a year and it sucks. You want to know what’s worse? Perimenopause lasts between 4 months and 10 YEARS (on average). Yes, I said “years.” That isn’t a joke and this isn’t a laughing matter.

The reason I didn’t hear about this from my mom is the fact that she had a hysterectomy after “bleeding every day for a year” and never dealt with it. She had her own brand of hell to walk through.

You want to know what some of the symptoms of perimenopause are? These are the ones I’ve personally experienced:
•    Heat flashes
•    Night sweats
•    Insomnia
•    Dry skin
•    Irregular periods (We’re talking 16 to 36 day periods, randomly.)
•    Morning poop explosions (Like spending an hour on the toilet 2-3 times a week in the morning while your butt goes through the equivalent of dry heaves. I literally need to make all my appointments for the afternoon now because I never know when my body is going to act up on any given morning.)
•    Mood swings (Crying at commercials, laughing at unfunny things, general moodiness—oh, you think you [or your loved one is] are being moody now? You ain’t seen nothing yet.)

Some I haven’t experienced but was told about:
•    Tender boobs
•    Fatigue
•    Depression
•    Urine leakage (laughing, coughing, sneezing, living)
•    Increased PMS symptoms
•    More that I can’t remember or don’t know of because bodies are all different

Remember… these symptoms, on average, last between 4 months and 10 YEARS.

You wanna know who has or is dealing with this in your life? Mention the word “perimenopause” to any group of women and see who makes a face and that “ugh” noise.

You wanna know how you might be able to treat this? Birth control pills. Not to keep you from having kids, but a low dose to try to regulate your hormones. But birth control pills come with their own set of problems. Between side effects, political talking points, and religious I-know-what’s-right assholes, that’s something I don’t even want to think about.

Why don’t more women talk about perimenopause? We know all about men and their erectile dysfunction AKA the much more polite and less embarrassing “ED.” No, women have to talk around the bullshit happening to their body because it’s too embarrassing, it’s “TMI.” It’s not polite.

Fuck that.

This is something almost all women have to go through. I’m tired of it being a secret rite-of-passage for older women who are already facing enough discrimination in health care. Thank goodness my doctor is plain spoken and blunt about what’s happening to me. It sucks and I wish I’d known sooner this was going to happen to me. There’s no real physical way to prepare for it, but there are mental ways.

And knowing is half the battle.

Tis the season to be giving and getting; the holiday season. For those of you who want signed books by me, there are a couple of ways to go about it. I’ve been asked about this several times. I’m putting it all in one place this year. 

My preferred way: the University Bookstore in Seattle, WA. Visit the website or call: 1.800.335.7323. They have many of my books, even obscure ones. All of them are signed. If they are not, they can contact me and I’ll head over and sign them.

Alternative 1: Buy a physical book from the Apocalypse Ink Productions website and email, requesting that I sign it.

Alternative 2: Buy the book from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your retailer of choice, then mail me a bookplate to sign with all the appropriate information.

Jennifer Brozek
6830 NE Bothell Way, STE C #404
Kenmore, WA 98028

The above address is excellent for sending me holiday cards or birthday cards (Dec 9) as well.