Jennifer Brozek | Evolution of a first line.

Evolution of a first line.

by Jennifer Brozek 5. September 2013 12:32

This the evolution of the first line of my newest Karen Wilson Chronicles background story. I don't know if the last version of the sentence is the final version but I'm happy with it right now.


The meeting place was a large, unnatural boulder. (Too passive.)

They met in the shadow of a large, unnatural boulder. (Active. Better but who is “they”?)

The Grey Lady and Sees-the-Wind met in the shadow of a large, unnatural boulder.  (Good. Who is meeting but why?)

The Grey Lady and Sees-the-Wind met in the shadow of a large, unnatural boulder on the anniversary of the Pact.  (Better but… meh.)

The Grey Lady and Sees-the-Wind met in the shadow of a large, unnatural boulder that marked the beginning of the Pact between the Makah tribe and the Fair Folk. (Great. Who, where, why, culture.)

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Jennifer Brozek: Writerholic

Jennifer Brozek is a multi-talented, award-winning author, editor, and tie-in writer. She is the author of the Never Let Me Sleep, and The Last Days of Salton Academy, both of which were nominated for the Bram Stoker Award. Her BattleTech tie-in novel, The Nellus Academy Incident, won a Scribe Award. Her editing work has netted her a Hugo Award nomination as well as an Australian Shadows Award for Grants Pass. Jennifer’s short form work has appeared in Apex Publications, and in anthologies set in the worlds of Valdemar, Shadowrun, V-Wars, and Predator. Jennifer is also the Creative Director of Apocalypse Ink Productions, and was the managing editor of Evil Girlfriend Media and assistant editor for Apex Book Company.

Jennifer has been a freelance author, editor, tie-in writer for over ten years after leaving her high paying tech job, and she’s never been happier. She keeps a tight schedule on her writing and editing projects and somehow manages to find time to volunteer for several professional writing organizations such as SFWA, HWA, and IAMTW. She shares her husband, Jeff, with several cats and often uses him as a sounding board for her story ideas. Visit Jennifer’s worlds at jenniferbrozek.com.

"I see story ideas. All the time. They're everywhere. Just walking around like normal ideas. They don't know they're stories."